Balancing Friendship Equations After Marriage

Does it seem that your single friends are treating you differently just because you are no more single? Or

Do you feel that your close friend since childhood transformed into a different person after she walked down the aisle or even earlier after she got engaged?

Trust me you are not wrong in feeling so because it happens with almost everyone. Most of the women who got married between 1980 and 2003 had lost touch with their friends completely and are now reconnecting with them through Facebook and Twitter.

The relationship equations between friends can change as soon as marriage of even one of them comes into picture. It is so because the bride-to-be cannot think beyond her fiancée, wedding planning and honeymoon. While her friends are of course happy for her and looking forward to being the Bridesmaids but then at times they do feel like saying, “good you are getting married, but the world doesn’t end there, right?”

With so many emotions and relations in conflict, how can you make sure that your friendship remains sacrosanct forever?

Dear Bride, “You are just getting married, not being reborn or recast into some other personality”

You know, it’s not easy being single when all your contemporaries (friends as well as cousins) are getting married. I don’t mean that the singletons are really desperate to tie the knot.  Almost 99 percent of the females have a very good reason to delay matrimony.

• As a friend, it is your duty to treat them right and not make them feel low by going on and on about how rocking your married life is and that they are missing all the fun in life by remaining single. It feels nice to have someone walk you home after movie but nothing beats the fun you have with your friends.
• On the other hand, do not project yourself as a martyr by pointing out that since they (your single friends) are single, their life is way too easier than yours. Of course they may not have as much on their head as you do, but come on, they also have their share of workloads and tragedies.
• Do not nag them into getting married, or tell them that if only they did/said/wore “this”, their prospects of attracting the right guy would increase!

This is important: Please find time to socialize with your friends. Nobody is asking you to take your married life and spouse for granted but a Friday lunch with your friends every week wouldn’t harm at all. Use social media tools such as Twitter, Facebook and smartphones to keep in touch with your friends.

Dear Singles, “Allow her time to adjust to her new life”

You must understand that your friend’s life is bound to change after marriage and you cannot expect to monopolize a major part of her time as you used to before. Let her decide the time, place and frequency of meeting whenever you know you can adjust easily.

• Be on good terms with her husband but you must know where to draw the line. Consciously or sub-consciously, married women consider their single female friends as some kind of threat. (no offence to anybody)
• If at all you are hurt by something your friend said, then instead of being grumpy and initiating a cold war, try talking to her about how you feel over what she said or did.
• Most importantly, even if you envy your friend’s blissful married state, then remember your reasons for staying single. Do not feel the need to rush to the aisle, unless you find the ‘right man’.