Question:
I am a Hindu (Gujarati) and in love with a Muslim guy. We have been in a relationship for four years now and only recently expressed our desire to be wedded to our respective families. They have agreed (of course reluctantly) and now a major storm is brewing up with regards to the religion and the ceremonies that will be a part of the wedding. I and Rehaan (now my fiancé) want a peaceful, rather memorable wedding. Kindly enlighten us on the ways we should go about maintaining harmony between our families plus the order and nature of wedding ceremonies.
Moreover, it is possible for me to retain my faith? What will be the course of action in that case?
Answer:
In India, marriage is considered to be a secular institution but in earnest it feeds off on the religious rites and customs. So it is only natural that there will be some difference of opinion between the families from ethnically different backgrounds. The first and foremost thing to do is for you and your fiancé to understand and define what spirituality means to both of you and how much of it is derived from your religious background. It is very important to be clear about your stance on religion and spirituality before taking the matters up with your family.
Since you two have laid the foundation of the relationship and are responsible for its success or failure, you and Rehaan will have to talk to your respective families about the course of wedding ceremonies. Talk between yourselves about the ceremonies you are ready to compromise on and the ones you think should be a part of your wedding. Understand and respect the wish of your fiancé regarding the inclusion of a certain ceremony.
Be open about the topic and your decision with your families and hold frequent interactive sessions between them. But make sure not to take up radical issues in such meetings. A suggested course of action could be: registered marriage in civil court (legal requirement in case of interfaith marriages) followed by nikaah and Hindu wedding customs and finally a reception.
If you don’t want to convert to Islam, let your desire known to Rehaan and his family. In case things go smoothly, there would be a marriage in the civil court followed by a wedding reception. Nikaah and Hindu wedding ceremony can take place if both the families agree to it and are tolerant towards each others’ customs.