These days, most women not only have a career, but also work their way right to the top. In fact, if we look around us, we will find an increasing number of women these days earning as much as, or even more than their spouses!
But, do you think all husbands accept their wives’ success with a happy heart? Do you think they genuinely appreciate the fact that their wives earn more than them? Well, the scenes from Abhimaan are not very rare to find in such households. If you think your husband is reacting anything like that, do not be discouraged. Here are some guidelines on how and what you can do about it:
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It is true that gender roles have undergone a sea change in the past few years. But you must realise that this change might take a little time to be accepted completely, especially if one’s upbringing has been rather conventional. So, even if your husband reacts in a discouraging manner, do not judge him right away. Be a little flexible in understanding his perspective. Ladies, think of the reasons why you married this man in the first place. Remember the wonderful times that you two have spent together, and you will soon forget all the disheartenment and deal with the situation with much more patience.
All said and done, if you want the relationship to work well, you have to be a little careful yourself, especially if he is not being very understanding. If you feel that your husband is not very happy, or is feeling insecure about you earning more than him, you have to keep in mind that your words need to be very carefully chosen. In any given situation, do not talk about his spending habits, the monthly expenses soaring up, or how much you have to slog to get where you are. Also, do not constantly keep complaining about being tired or the pressures at work or how better your job is. Why add fuel to the already triggered ego issues? Instead, keep every conversation as simple and routine as possible.
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Try to strike a balance in your professional and personal life. However preachy this might sound, never allow your job to take precedence over your family and, most importantly, him. When he sees you walk that extra mile, he too will make an effort to understand things from your perspective.
Your ‘better’ income, along with his, translates into paying school fees, bills, two holiday trips a year and better savings. Sit him down and calmly explain to him all the add-ons your income can bring to your lives. But make sure you do not override the "male ego". A number of people still prefer the traditional roles where the man provides for the family and the woman takes care of the home. Let him know that he is providing the cake, which is the basic necessity for the family, and you are simply providing for the icing on it.
Shower him with genuine praises whenever you can. Just make sure that your words are heartfelt and real. Let him know that he is loved and appreciated for what he does for the family.
Men and women both want respect and love in a relationship. Let him know that you are doing it for him and the family, and not competing against him! Tell him that it is about “we” and not “me”.
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Taking an initiative to work towards bettering your relationship does not mean that you are making a compromise. If the tensions in the relationship can soothe down because of these few steps, then why not try them out?