A lot of time we find people very difficult to mingle with. It is because there is some or the other value that mismatches. Values reflect a person’s sense of right and wrong or what “ought” to be. Values are broad preferences concerning appropriate courses of action or outcomes. Example of a value could be “People should be treated with respect and dignity”.
Whenever anyone gets attracted to someone and aspires to enter into a relationship, it is on the basis of some similarity of likes and dislikes, appearance, hobbies. Sometimes this realization happens suddenly and sometimes over a period of time. When the relationship starts, then both tend to witness the differences of the other. Some part of this differentness is quite appealing and some very confusing.
Impact of the Mismatch –
The formation of Values generally goes up to 21years of age. If an individual has observed certain values for 21 years of his/her life, how can one expect these beliefs to be changed? Compromising at values is very difficult, as it shakes the core personality. When the partner forces opposite values on someone, following consequences are faced:-
Frustration
After marriage the couple gets shocked to see the differentness of the other. Both try to explain to each other the negative impact on them because of the different way of being. They don’t realize that it is difference in the values. Instead they start getting hyper while trying to correct each other and eventually get frustrated with failure in doing so.
Fights
Continued attempts finally convert into verbal fights. Lots of heated arguments along with blame game and abuses take place. Some fights are really bad and come out in public, whereas some don’t. Worst is that they themselves know that these are actually very small reasons to fight.
Strong negative belief about the other
A strong conviction about the other gets formed when there is a value clash for a long time. Mostly this conviction is very hard to get away with unless a proper intervention is not made. Such conviction turns into hatred for the other.
Dragging Lifeless Relationships
Couples who are very conscious of their social image simply drag the relationship even for a lifetime. Researches show that even in today’s time couples in the metropolitans too (due to the social consciousness) drag their marriages because of such value clashes.
Separation
There are a growing number of individuals who outgrow their fears of society and deny bearing the clashes of value differences and finally they seek separation as the only solution.
Only Way Out
When one is pressurized to change the values, he/ she witness the threshold.
It is very easy to get trapped in the emotional difficulties rising out of differences in values. But after seeing thousands of relationships, eminent psychologists around the world have concluded that personalities will differ. Coming out of relationships is the worst that one could do to self. The only key is Acceptance. Acceptance is love. Love is to accept and comfort the other. It is surely not at the cost of choking one own self. Acceptance is not compliance. It is being in harmony with other’s existence within the boundaries of respective value system. It is a two way process of understanding and respecting the other. Love and love will follow.