Single's Guide: 9 Truly Hilarious Ways To Avoid Matchmakers At A Wedding

Indian weddings are usually a combination of fun ceremonies, delicious cuisine, and not to miss, a few pesky relatives. Yes, apart from the happy family members and friends, there always are a few annoying relatives (read: auntyjis) at the Indian weddings, who have a couple of standard statements for the youngsters. So, if you have crossed 25 and are still single, then these are a few things you might be bombarded with at the next wedding you attend- “beta kahan kaam karte ho?”, “ab agla number tera hai”, etc!

Well, we know all these statements are just too irritating, and hence, we bring you a list of fantastic excuses that will help you dodge them all and also take a bit of revenge.

WARNING: Some of these tips might lead to appointments with a psychiatrist or a 'religious guru'. And, if your parents come to know about any of these, then you might even be kept away from all the family celebrations in future.

#1. Simply say that you do not believe in the holy matrimony. This is sure to give the auntyjis a shock, and they might even suggest your parents to take you to a relationship counsellor, psychiatrist or even a 'religious guru'.

Image Courtesy: Jaane Tu... Ya Jaane Na

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#2. The moment you see someone coming close to you and you get a hint that they might say something you really do not want to hear, start filling your mouth with laddoos. And, as soon as they start talking on this topic, speak with your laddoo-stuffed mouth and start spraying it on their face.

Image Courtesy: Hasee Toh Phasee

#3. This is really effective one. If you are a guy, simply say, “Aunty mujhe ladkiyan achchi nahi lagti.” And, girls can just say the opposite to save themselves. This is definitely going to keep all the auntyjis away from you during the entire wedding celebrations.

Gif via Tumblr

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#4. And, if you do not like the idea of spreading the rumour of you not being straight, then do it with your prospective life partner whom your relative has shortlisted. Here is how it works:

Aunty: “Beta dekha Mrs. Verma ke bete/beti ko, teri usse baat chalwaoon?”
You: “Aunty usko ladke/ladkiyan pasand hain. I think he/she is not straight!”

Image Courtesy: Jaane Tu... Ya Jaane Na

#5. Sorry boys, this one is just for the girls! So ladies, say you are married to Lord Krishna and start singing Mira’s bhajans every time a relative starts talking about your marriage.

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#6. Always carry a bottle of water with you. And, every time someone talks about your marriage, take a sip, pretend to choke, and spit water all over their face.

Image Courtesy: Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

#7. Well, we know it is a bit too mean, but it is more or less like returning the favour. So, every time a relative bothers you at a wedding saying, “You are next”, start talking about an old relative who passed away recently, and you know what to say next…

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#8. Ladies, flirt with the waiter when he comes to serve you water. Make sure your aunty is sitting right beside you. And boys, you should probably flirt with every female present in the wedding irrespective of her age, marital status or anything else. This will help you to be considered as a bad-boy by the auntyjis, who earlier saw their damaad in you!

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Also Read: 22 Things You Need To Ask Yourself Before You Decide To Get Married

#9. This one is definitely going to work. Tell your relative that you have secretly married someone you met through the Internet, and ask them to keep the secret to themselves.

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Well, these excuses should certainly get you through the wedding celebrations in peace and give your friends a reason to laugh. But remember, your aim is to give a shock only to the annoying relatives, and not your parents. So, make sure that these excuses do not reach to your parents ever!